i think my mom watched the whole time
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
