if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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