you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
