Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
