woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
