(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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