she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
