They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
