Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
