so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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