you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
