I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
