Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
