you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it's like iHOP with fire
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
