thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
