3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize