Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
