he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
