You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just come out here and I will go home with you...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
