I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
