i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
