Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
