I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
