nut hugger
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
