but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
