she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
