You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
