I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Randomize
