My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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