i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
