I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize