hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
