I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
