Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
