I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
