dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
