I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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