I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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