cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
