Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize