I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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