i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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