i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she pinky promised me she was 18
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
