She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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