shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
