just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
