You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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