bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
