Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
