I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize