I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
