Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
