Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think my vagina is haunted
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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