after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
