Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize