it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
