I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
