i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How does one acquire holy water?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
