turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
