the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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