I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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