at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Less talking, more tequila
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize