i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
