I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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